Crack Commercials!!!

[Krysta]

Now, I have noticed that, even though I don't watch tv or listen to the radio much anymore, if I do see or hear something, something very stupid pops in my head that would make the commercial 20 times better then it is. Well, heres what I thought of when not only did I hear a Tacobell commercial in the background, but my friend Shadow announced she wanted Tacos...


Fade in.

The area around is a cold and dismal place. Everything made of ice.

Cue frost giant walking passed the camera while holding the frost giants dinner.

The camera moves to the left hand stage through trees.

Then the camera spots a cave and enters the cave.

Cue Loki, the god of mischief sitting inside a steaming hot spring naked and looking sexually into the camera.

Loki: You know what I want? Gives off signature sexy smirk. I want something to put into my mouth. I want to touch every curve and savor every hot, steaming moment and make it last as long as I can before I finally come to the finish. Loki reaches off screen and grabs the signature taco from Tacobell. Come and join me... you know you want to. Takes a bite while eyes never leave the camera and gives off a sexual moan

Now cue screen flicking from Loki to the signature Tacobell sign that says 'Only at Tacobell'.

Flicks back to Loki who is still sexually eating so as to get more women, specifically a girl named Shadow to go and eat a Taco as Tacobell before the Commercial goes back to your regularly scheduled programming.

[Krysta]

Now... THISSSSSSSS.... is how MacDonalds commercials SHOULD be like!!! And fyi!!! I live in a bloody FARM COMMUNITY, and have seen the way the meat for McDonald's and everywhere in general are farmed and made! Aka, take away the baby calf shortly after birth, place it in a box-like tent with barely anywhere to run or graze. So basically, all your getting is FAT, NOT MEAT. Of which, cows are to be raised in places they can roam and exercise and be chased daily so they gain more meat. So far, all I have seen is the breeders getting the exercise while the ones we eat can't even walk, only stand in place! THINK BEFORE YOU EAT!


Fade in.

Camera hovers over many different Cheeseburgers of all kinds that McDonald's provides.

Cue a hand reaching down from the top of the screen to grab one of those tasty burgers, adorned with a few Norse rings.

The camera flips from the burgers to a beautiful blond, skinny waitress with blue eyes, light freckles and that signature McDonald's smile.

Waitress: Would like anything else what that sir? Is holding a tray of five more burgers and a few more colas.

Camera starts heading to the viewers left hand side while everything is in slow motion so as to show how tasty the burger is.

Camera quickly flashes to an up close slow motion clip of the hand bringing the fine, sexy looking burger to a mouth surrounded like red curls, opening to take in a large bite of the stuff that would make any fat person jizz in his pants at the sight of it!

Camera flashes to another slow motion scene of Volstagg eating the Cheeseburger with as much a mess as possible seeing as he loves eating.

Volstagg: Can I get a few more of these burgers? I'm beginning to run out! Grease from the overly cooked in grease burger drips down his curls and begins to soil the beautiful, red satin shirt he decided to wear that day. Destroyed it so that when he got back to Asgard, he wouldn't be able to save it.

Pieces of the bun fall off of his lips after sticking there for a moment or two, getting all over the floor and making the floor dirty with all the sexiness that is the McDonald's Cheeseburgers.

Now cue the waitress smiling at him and acting all flirty as she turns and begins to head off and get their best paying costumer more burgers. All of this during a sexy... hot... slow motion scene to define how good and tasty the nasty burger is.

Camera flashes to the doors of McDonald's, showing two police officers walking into the building, no doubt to buy a burger but the viewer is wrong.

Officer: I have a warrant for your arrest.
Volstagg: Stops sexily eating the burger while grease and bits and pieces of the food drip down his chin and fall out of his mouth as he speaks, getting food all over the shirt of the first officer.What for?
Officer #2: For eating way too much food and running this restaurant dry of all it's supply. Grabs cuffs and steps behind Volstagg to arrest him.

Cue Volstagg having a major, artery clogging heart attack from the burgers and falling down dead seeing as now Midgardian's are eating nothing but pink slime, plastic, grease and FAT while in Asgard everything is prepared the way its suppose to be.

Now cue the people who are filming this quickly changing the scene to the McDonald's logo which says:

MCDONALD'S! I'M LOVIN IT! BA DA BA BA BAAA!

[Krysta]

Okay, now this popped in my head while thinking of those mens AXE commercials...

Fade in.

Valentines day in midgard. Hawkeye sadly cannot get Black Widow to go on a date with him and steals Tony's AXE bodywash, shampoo, and deodorant.

Now cue Hawkeye washing his body, hair and everything in the shower, flipping from slow motion to sped up and then back to slow motion.

Now camera changes to the meeting room and enter Hawkeye through the door on the right.

Cue Black Widow dropping her pen with her mouth open in shock as to how sexy she just now realized Hawkeye actually looks.

Hawkeye and Black Widow walk up to each other in slow motion before a fist comes between them to knocks Widow back onto her ass.

Now cue Nick Fury finishing the walk towards Hawkeye while Hawk realizes what just happened and tries to, in slow motion, run away but Fury catches him.

Fury: Boy you look FINE! We are going out tonight and that's an order. Now walks away with a date.

And now camera quickly flashes to the AXE shampoo bottles.

[Krysta]

Well... yeah... this kind of speaks for itself lol

In a beautiful bedroom are two people. A man and a woman, which means they are married or dating.

The man speaks first before the woman does as they are getting undressed like crazy.

Man: His and hers KY
Woman: Is made with both in mind
Man: So when they combined
Woman: It's like

Now cue Thor in Jotenhiem, battling with the frost giants and throwing Mjölnir as hard as he can and killing the frost giants who cross it's path.

Now Camera flips quickly back to the couple but instead of the man sitting at the end of the bed, it's Thor.

Woman: Whoa...
Thor: Smiles sexily as the commercial goes back to your regularly scheduled program.